


Cynosure

by Oakmilk



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gaara is a good friend, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Rock Lee is a good man, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 04:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oakmilk/pseuds/Oakmilk
Summary: Throughout the summers of his life Gaara watches as Naruto slips further and further away.





	1. Chapter 1

It was always Naruto.

Gaara didn’t know why, but for some reason when he lay awake at night Naruto would always find a way to enter his thoughts and stay there for hours on end. The thought of his voice, his smile, the way the sunshine filtered across his face on those hot summer days where they spent hours just talking.

(Naruto did most of the talking, but Gaara was more than content just to listen.)

They had met on one of those summer days, years and years ago when the world had seemed far too empty, far too empty and vast for a small boy who held nothing and no one in his heart.

But suddenly there was laughter and light, smiles curling at the edges of lips and mischievous chuckles, empty cartons of ramen and long, late nights spent playing video games in dimly lit rooms filled with hushed whispers.

Gaara was grateful to Naruto, and that would never change no matter what happened.

——-

“Ne, Gaara,” Naruto said, tilting his head to the side and looking at him, mouth twisted into a frown and eyes filled with what seemed to be anxiety, but he couldn’t be sure. He had never been good at reading other people, but he knew he hated whatever the expression was, it was foreign, distorting Naruto’s face from its usual cheerfulness and muddling it up. “I have a problem.”

Gaara hummed, fingers drumming against the wooden planks of the pier they sat on and trying hard not to focus on the way his friend’s tank top slid down ever so slightly, exposing a tanned and muscular shoulder so unlike his own. “What is it?”

“I,” the blond began, chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I- it’s so stupid honestly. I um... I think I like Sasuke.”

Gaara looked at him questioningly, letting his toes skim across the top of the cool lake water. “Of course. He’s your friend.”

Naruto let out a loud groan, hands coming up to tug at his hair in frustration. “No, I mean I really like him. Like more than a friend.”

“Best friend?”

“No! Jesus, I mean like a crush.”

A cold wave crashed down on him suddenly, and for a moment wondered if Naruto had pushed him into the lake. But he was still sitting on the pier, the once quiet hum of insects now a deafening thrum resounding in his head.

“Oh.”

Naruto huffed, leaning on his back and crossing his arms behind his head. “It’s so annoying. Why’d it have to be Sasuke of all people?”

Gaara didn’t answer as he looked out across the lake. It was beautiful, he supposed, fading sunlight dancing over it and casting an orange hue into the water. He couldn’t appreciate it at the moment, and wasn’t sure why the haze of heat on his skin had been replaced with a sickly coldness.

“I’m just- I’m not sure what to do. Should I tell him?” Gaara could feel the other boy’s gaze on his back. He swallowed down a lump in his throat and nodded, resolutely not turning his head around to meet Naruto’s eyes.

“You should. You should be honest.”

He heard Naruto sit up and felt him clap his shoulder, a wide smile splitting his fox like face. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ve gotta go, maybe I can catch Sasuke before he leaves piano practice!”

And with that he stood up, calling a quick thanks over his shoulder as he ran off. The momentary heat he had felt from Naruto’s palm left him and soon he was plunging back into the obtrusive coldness that had encompassed his whole body.

When he saw Sasuke and Naruto standing closer than usual at the corner store the next day, pinkies interlaced, he felt a sharp pain in his chest that he couldn’t place.

——-

They entered their first year of high school without a hitch, Sasuke and Naruto still going strong and Gaara still confused.

Confused why his chest felt like a wildfire when he saw them kissing after school for the first time, hands interlocked and unbothered by the drizzle raining down on them.

To Gaara it felt like a torrential downpour, like the storm currently raging in his body. Something roared, and he wondered if it came from the sky or the thunder in his head.

He left without them seeing him, and pretended the wetness on his cheeks was from the rain.

——-

By senior year he had realized. Through late night research and nerve wracking conversations with his sister, he had realized he was in love with Naruto. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t hate it more, why he didn’t curse god for causing him to fall for someone so unattainable, why he didn’t hate Sasuke or even Naruto.

Well, he knew the reason for that. He could never hate Naruto, in this life or the next.

He found himself spending more time online, looking up how to fall out of love with someone, tired face and worsening eye bags illuminated by the green glow of his computer. He found a lot of answers, but none that worked.

The pain of seeing Naruto and Sasuke together had dulled somewhat, but was still aggravatingly present. He felt rather empty most of the time, an unwelcome sort of return his younger years.

Naruto spent most of his time with Sasuke back then, leaving Gaara to his own devices. Gaara didn’t resent him for it in the slightest, the blond did still make time for him when he could, and it wasn’t like he didn’t have other friends now. But Naruto was his first friend after all, his first love.

His only love.

At the prom when Sasuke was named prom king he was there for Naruto to gripe to, there to listen to him complain that “I deserved to be prom king” and that “We both should’ve been prom king, we’re dating for fucks’ sake.”

He was there to watch as Sasuke stepped down from the stadium afterwards and make his way towards Naruto, placing the plastic crown on the blond’s head and tilting his head up for a kiss.

Gaara felt tears prick at his eyes once again but didn’t let them fall, turning around and muttering something about getting punch. He didn’t get a response.

Naruto wasn’t there to wipe his tears.

———

Two years after graduation he found himself sitting across a table from a just as bubbly Naruto, the pleasant sounds of the cafe brimming just below the noise of their conversation.

“So,” Naruto said, grinning cheekily as he leaned across the table. “You find anyone special yet, Gaara?”

The male in question took a sip of his coffee, keeping the warm mug in between his palms as he answered. “No.”

_Yes._

“Whaaat? Come on, a handsome guy like you?”

Gaara gave a small smile, a warm feeling blooming in his chest. “You flatter me.”

Naruto huffed, crossing his arms and leaning back. They sat in a comfortable silence before Naruto suddenly perked up. “Oh hey, speaking of handsome guys, guess what happened between me and Sasuke.”

The warmth that Naruto had planted in him was gone, replaced with an icy shard that pierced at his heart. “...What?”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “That’s no fun! You’re supposed to guess, geez, Gaara.” His lips quirked up in a smile, and Gaara knew he was about to learn anyways. “Whatever, so-”

His next words were drowned out by the overwhelming static that suddenly took up refuge in Gaara’s head and ears, but unfortunately he could read Naruto’s lips easily.

“Me and Sasuke are getting married.”

He was still, silent, numbness creeping up his body, into his fingers and invading his mind as his chest raged with the tumultuous force of a crashing wave.

Naruto looked at him curiously, mouth beginning to open.

“That’s great,” Gaara managed to croak out, a weak smile ghosting at his lips.

Naruto grinned and pounded his fist on the table. “I know, right?! So anyways, I was wondering if you’d be my best man and all?”

He felt himself nod mechanically, expression blank as Naruto thanked him, immediately launching into talk about the wedding.

The pain in his chest didn’t fade as he made his way home.

——-

They set their wedding on a hot summer day.

He stood beside Naruto, dressed in a stiff tux and red tie, and smiled softly at the other man’s back as he and Sasuke recited their wedding vows, forcing down the ugly feeling he felt arise in his chest as Naruto jokingly said that if he wasn’t marrying Sasuke, Sasuke would be his best man.

It was a bitter reminder that he was never Naruto’s first choice and never would be.

The ache in his chest as the two fiancés kissed- husbands, now, he mused, biting the inside of his cheek- was blazing, but now familiar. He politely clapped along with the rest of the attendees, fingers feeling brittle and stiff.

He didn’t cry this time.

Following the ceremony was a party, and he found himself standing off to the side, watching the two newly weds slow dance.

“You too, huh?”

Gaara startled, looking down to see Hinata standing next to him. She smiled kindly up at him and inclined her head towards Naruto and Sasuke.

“You love him too, don’t you?”

Gaara said nothing but made no move to deny it. Her eyes shine with empathy and she placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Me too.”

He looked at her, tilting his head to the side.

She sighed quietly. “I love him too.”

“Oh.”

“Yes,” she began, looking at the two husbands wistfully. “I thought it was rather obvious.”

He said nothing again. He had never noticed.

“I hope you find someone,” she whispered, and Gaara turned his head back towards the dance floor.

“You too.”

——-

Sasuke approached him later in the night, hands shoved in his pockets and face still flushed.

“Hey,” the Uchiha said, and Gaara inclined his head politely in greeting. “Can we talk for a second?”

Gaara hesitated. He liked Sasuke a good bit but didn’t feel like he could take a conversation with Naruto’s husband at the moment.

But it was his wedding night, and Gaara owed him cordiality. “Of course.”

They made the way up to the buildings roof, both leaning over the railing and looking out at the night sky.

“Thanks for being Naruto’s best man. Can’t imagine why you’d agree to do it for the idiot.”

Gaara shrugged, diverting his gaze to the city below him. “He’s my friend.”

Sasuke sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, about that... I’m sorry.”

Gaara looked up at him and frowned slightly. “For what?”

“I know how you feel about Naruto.”

He dropped his head and focused on the people and cars below him, ants going about their daily life with no thought to what was happening above them. It was sobering. “I’m sorry.”

“What? Why? You’ve been nothing but respectful, you didn’t try and make a move on him once this whole time we’ve been together. You can’t change how you feel.”

Gaara nodded. “Yeah. I guess you can’t.”

There was a lapse in conversation before Sasuke snorted. “You probably hate me, don’t you?”

Gaara sighed. “No. I never hated you.”

“Huh? How come?”

Gaara let out a tiny chuckle, looking at Sasuke and giving him a watery smile. “Because you make him smile. Make him happy.”

  _The way I never could._

Sasuke’s eyes widened, something sad and sympathetic flickering in them. He opened his mouth, about to say something when the door to the roof slammed open.

“Sasuke! There you are!” Naruto strode over, a wide smile on his face as he latched onto his husband’s arm. He blinked at Gaara, as if he had just noticed him, and the redhead tightened his grip on the railing. “Oi, Gaara, you better not be trying to steal my mans!”

His tone was teasing and he stuck his tongue out, but Gaara felt his heart constrict at the way he and Sasuke were pressed up against each other. “I’m not trying to steal anybody,” he said truthfully, making eye contact with Sasuke who nodded in return.

“Good, because Sasuke’s mine. Get yourself your own husband.” Gaara’s expression faltered for a split second at the blond’s words, and was equal parts thankful and sad when Sasuke cleared his throat.

“Naruto, I think we should be getting back to the party,” he murmured, and Naruto perked up.

“Oh yeah, definitely!” Naruto pecked his husband on the cheek before turning to Gaara. “You coming too?”

Gaara took one look at the lovers’ intertwined hands before looking back over the city and shaking his head. “I think I’ll stay out here a little longer.”

He felt Sasuke’s gaze on his back and heard Naruto bid him goodbye, heard their retreating footsteps and heard the door slam loudly from the wind.

He also thought he heard his heart finally break once and for all.

 

 


	2. Epilouge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the epilouge you guys wanted.

Five years after their graduation Gaara found himself in a corner of a packed gymnasium, tired eyes still encased in the same, if not worse, layers of dark circles.

People from his graduating class had come from all over for the reunion, most having left their hometown in hopes of attaining something more, something they had dreamed of since childhood.

But Gaara never dreamed whether it was the rare case he was asleep or when he was awake, and stayed resolutely in the small town he grew up and fell apart in.

Dreams just weren’t for him.

Sasuke and Naruto were laughing, standing in the middle of the commotion with their old friends from high school and doing what Gaara could only assume to be catching up.

He thought he saw Sasuke glance over at him once or twice but he couldn’t be sure. He hadn’t talked to Sasuke in a while, something he regretted and chastised himself for.

He hadn’t talked to Naruto for over a year either, an unwanted fact that seemed to like to creep up whenever he wasn’t prepared and gut him mercilessly.

His mind still wandered to Naruto at night much like when he was younger, but the fond memories were now painful, a reminder of something he thought he was so close to having but never could and never would.

He didn’t blame the blond for the lack of communication, he was probably busy and didn’t have time to fit someone like Gaara into his schedule anymore, and that was fine.

Completely fine.

Suddenly the blaring music was too loud and the overhead lights too bright, the incessant chatter of his former classmates tearing up the inside of his ears and seeping into his skull.

He was certain his eardrums were bleeding as he haphazardly pushed open the gym doors, legs moving on autopilot to the bathroom he had spent a good portion of time in skipping class during his high school career.

Gaara slammed his palms down on the counter, body shaking and head bowed as he attempted to control his ragged breathing.

He flexed his fingers until they dug into the grimy surface of the linoleum, grit from god-knows what collecting underneath his nails and pushing up against the sensitive skin.

He was so stupid, so so stupid to go to this piece of shit reunion when he had barely talked to anyone from high school recently, hadn’t talked to even Naruto, his first friend, who probably _hated_  him now and was _glad_  to have him out of his life, he hated parties in the first place, and  _oh god what if_ -

A familiar warmth broke him out of his tangent, a hand resting on his shoulder that radiated heat to his very core.

“Naruto?” he gasped, head whipping around and eyes widening when they landed on-

“Lee?”

The man in question smiled kindly and nodded, hand coming down from Gaara’s shoulder and rubbing the back of its owners neck.

Gaara wondered why the warmth wasn’t fading so quickly like usual.

“Are you alright?” the taller male asked, eyes flickering with what Gaara assumed to be concern.

The redhead looked in the mirror once and took in his haggard appearance before nodding and turning around to face Lee. “I’m fine.”

He felt a small twinge of guilt as he looked at the other man, relieving their fight they had in seventh grade where Gaara had accidentally fractured Lee’s arm.

He had apologized since then and Lee had forgiven him in an instant, and Gaara speculated that he had never really been angry in the first place.

The guilt had never completely left him though.

“I’m glad,” Lee’s smile never seemed to leave his face, and Gaara wondered if it hurt.

“It hasn’t yet.”

Gaara looked up at him questioningly before his face started burning with embarrassment and he covered his mouth with a hand.

Because _fuck_  he had said that out loud, hadn’t he?

Before he could get out an apology a squawking sound like a dying bird came from Lee, and it took a moment for Gaara to realize he was laughing.

It took another moment for him to realize he was laughing too.

The kind of laughter he hadn’t had since he and Naruto were just kids, the kind where you doubled over and wheezed, hands clutching and gripping onto your ribs while you desperately tried to catch your breath but you just couldn’t.

When they stopped with nothing but the occasional chuckle bubbling up from their lips, Lee put his hand back on Gaara’s shoulder to help support him as he pulled himself back up to his full height.

“Why were we laughing?” Gaara asked after a moment when his breathing was back to normal.

Lee shrugged and flashed him a smile that Gaara was sure blinded him. “Why not?”

Gaara didn’t reply verbally, but he tried to put as much emotion as he could into the small grin he directed up at Lee.

——-

“Gaara?”

Gaara didn’t say anything aside from a noncommittal grunt and moved closer to the warm body pressed against his own.

He heard a sigh and the arm loosely wrapped around him tightened slightly. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Yes.”

“Gaara.”

“...No.”

Lee exhaled softly and shifted to face Gaara, free hand resting on the shorter man’s cheek. “You know you could have woken me up.”

Gaara relished in the warmth from both Lee’s palm and his words, leaning his head into the comforting touch. “I’d rather one of us sleep than neither.”

Lee laughed his wonderful laugh that Gaara had grown to love and bumped their noses together. “Your feet are cold enough to keep me awake all night anyways.”

Gaara snorted. “What can I say? I’m cold blooded.”

“That is far from the truth.”

——-

It was a hot summer day that Gaara found himself on an all too familiar pier that had seemed so much bigger when he was younger.

As he looked out over the water humidity clung to his skin, and in the haze of heat he almost thought he could see the fuzzy outlines of two familiar figures from his past on the opposite shore. A small, fox like boy and an even smaller, resigned silhouette.

But when he blinked they were gone.

“Hey.”

He didn’t need to turn around. He’d know that voice anywhere.

Naruto sat down next to him, pulling off his shoes and letting his feet dangle in the cool water.

Gaara didn’t look at him.

“So,” the blond began, biting the skin of his knuckle absentmindedly. “Tenten told me about you and Lee.”

Gaara nodded and leaned back on his hands, palms searing from the first touch on hot wood. “Yeah.”

“I’m hurt I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I could’ve been your best man, ya know?”

His tone was teasing and Gaara took it as such. “We had stopped talking by then.”

“I guess.”

He could tell Naruto wanted to say something but was at a loss for words, and for once found himself carrying the conversation. “I guess I finally did “get my own husband.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Me too.”

The age old ache in Gaara’s chest seemed to be rising up, but it was dulled and something he felt he could easily ignore if he tried hard enough. He tilted his head back and looked up at the clouds moving across the sky.

“I should probably apologize,” Naruto said, hands coming to squirm with each other. “I haven’t really been the best friend.”

Gaara shrugged. “It’s fine. You’ve been busy lately.”

Naruto’s face screwed up, and Gaara felt a sense of deja vu as he reflected back to that time so many years ago when Naruto made a similar expression on the very same pier.

‘I um... I think I like Sasuke.’

“I’ve been shitty to you since the beginning.” Naruto mumbled, ducking his head. “I should’ve been more considerate of your feelings.”

“Oh.”

_Oh._

“You knew?”

Naruto scratched the top of his head and refused to look at Gaara, stubbornly glaring at the opposite bank in front of him. “I think since the beginning. I just didn’t want to make things awkward I guess.”

There was a pause before Gaara replied.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being my friend.”

Naruto finally turned to look at him and chuckled slightly, a small and delicate smile growing across his face. “Lee’s a lucky guy.”

“So is Sasuke.”

They said nothing as they just stared into each other’s eyes, and for a fleeting moment Gaara had the innate urge to grab onto the other man’s face and kiss him like he had always wanted to do.

But as quickly as it came it went, and the thoughts of Lee and his unique yet lovely laugh replaced it all.

Gaara dropped his gaze and looked away. “We’re moving soon.”

Naruto’s eyes widened and he grinned broadly. The action made Gaara’s heart speed up momentarily before it relaxed back to its normal palpitations. “Really? It’s about fuckin’ time!”

Gaara snorted and nodded his head. “Yeah. It’s about time I moved on.”

The double meaning lay heavy in the air as the two sat in silence, quiet only disrupted by the unending murmur of insects.

“Gaara, I-”

“I should go,” he wrapped his thin fingers around Naruto’s wrist and squeezed it comfortingly. “We leave tomorrow and I need to get some sleep.”

“You sleep?”

Gaara pulled himself up and gave Naruto a small smile before turning around.

“Better now.”

——-

It was a cool autumn night that Gaara found himself curled up on their couch, head ducked into Lee’s chest and body wrapped up in his husband’s strong arms.

Both summer and Naruto would always hold a special place in his heart, but now the fall and Lee encompassed a greater part.

He was tired, but pleasantly so, wrapped in the warmth of the man he loved and would spend the rest of his life with.

With content he had only ever felt around Lee, he let his eyes slip close and felt the unfamiliar but welcome embrace of slumber take him into her arms.

And Lee was by his side the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really like how this turned out, for some reason I had a lot of trouble writing it. Nonetheless I hope you enjoy it!

**Author's Note:**

> This the saddest shit I’ve ever written and it’s a goddamn naruto fanfiction


End file.
